Of course, there will be a situation when you do not understand something and ask them to clarify. You have lost! Interrupting gives a message to the speaker that, you think you are more important than them, what I have to say is more interesting, I do not really care what you think, this is not a conversation, it is a contest and I am going to win! What for a pause to ask your questions Apart from being rude, it shows lack of self-control and in a dispute situation. How many times do we hear a parent speaking to a child “it is rude to interrupt”? By interrupting is has proved to the speaker that you have not been listening to them. Do not interrupt or impose your solution: Sometimes the subject may be quite boring, force yourself to refocus. Mainly, concentrate only on what is being said. During a lengthy conversation attempt to pick out key words or statements that will help you retain the information. Remembering that we all have our own map of the world, try and build a picture in your head of what the speaker is saying. How many times have we witnessed press conferences where the journalist has made their own mind up of the outcome which has not reflected what the speaker said? Listen to speaker and try and visualise what they are say. Especially important also not to jump to conclusions. By doing this you will break of form of rapport with that person. Something that can be very annoying to a communicator is a “sentence grabber”, the person that tries to finish the other person’s sentence. Try and not be judgement of the person or what they are saying, again this will be a distraction from the main subject being discussed. We can all be judgmental so the importance here is keep an open mind during the conversation. You may not agree with what they are saying but at this point you can easily miss a good point because you have been distracted. Finally, try and not let personal feelings or thoughts distract you as well. Focusing too much can become a distraction. Try not focus too much on the speaker’s accent or mannerisms. Mentally block out distractions, background noise, activities. The verb, to attend has several definitions, to be present, give attention, apply or direct yourself, pay attention and remain ready to serve. There is no need to stare the person out, it is fine to look away on occasions. Now that eye contact has been established, stay relaxed. Non eye contact can send out bad messages to the communicator! Be attentive but relaxed: So, a good first step to improve listening skills, put aside papers, books, mobile phones and allow the communicator to talk with you and just being respectful. Think of a time when someone is talking from the other side of a room, it becomes an instinct to move closer to them to ensure eye contact is made. ![]() It is like trying to hit a moving target! There are cultural differences but in the main by maintaining eye contact with the speaker is a good ingredient for basic communications. To develop effective listening skills think of a situation when you have been communicating something and the listener is scanning the room, looking at their computer screen or looking out of the window. Face the speaker and maintain eye contact: This article will touch on the 10 areas to help improve effective and good listening skills. It is important to keep in mind, we are all unique, internally we all have our own map of our world and by obtaining good listening skills we must respect the communicator’s view of his/her internal world. Our minds wander off to something else or we are thinking about the next question we want to ask. Not a high percentage of us can really be honest and say we listen with intensity to what another person is saying. We live in a world of instant replies, being available 24/7. Mobile phones, text messages, social media, email to name but a few. In today’s fast pace of life, we are bombarded by so many distractions. It might sound obvious as we all can hear things around us but effective listening skills are very important but how many of us listen intensely?
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